Diary: Confession of a Soldier (#8)

War is hatched from the egg of patriotism. Every comrade I met and parted with on the battlefield loved Belka. "Devote everything for the sake of our country." Slogans of that kind were everywhere in town before the war started. We, those who were born in Belka, have been mature patriots since the moment we were born into this world. We were enthused about a politician's speech when were babies, and we formed lines early in the morning when there was a military parade. We never failed to give thanks when we surrounded the table to have a homely meal everyday. We kissed the national flower many times when snow melted away and spring came. I had never thought about the reason why I loved my homeland. My dad, dad's dad, and even his dad loved this country of Belka, and took strong pride in doing so. A country that had a different thought than Belka had was Belka's foe, and the foe was destined to perish definitely. No matter how prejudiced it might sound, this was how the majority of people believed. I, too, had loved Belkan soil, trees, and water and taken pride in all of them since I was a kid. I was certain this country was the pivot of the world and everything else. And so, demons of nuclear weaponry quietly landed on the homeland of Belka I had held affection for.

The discord between the military authorities and politicians is unquestionable. Actually, confusion and divisiveness are growing rapidly inside the military. Those who try to continue the war, those who try to quickly make up for the loss in postwar settlement, those who put down guns and escape, those who live for self-interest. Anarchy prevails on the battlefield and in the country. Rumors are going around that it was compatriots who pressed the buttons of nuclear detonations. "Why?"

It's said that multiple nuclear explosions took place simultaneously. I had heard that the military had been developing small-sized nuclear bombs called "Radioactive Detonators" for years. It seems the Radioactive Detonator is, although extremely powerful, very small, and looks like an ordinary grenade. It can adjust the blast radius by the 100 yard unit, and the detonation sequence is to pull the slide trigger atop the detonator. This is kind of a weapon that attracts evil.

Amidst the mixture of rumors and truths, I still cannot get in contact with my mom. No matter how hard those stupid civilian employees of the military try to continue the war, and even if there are bastards and politicians who profit from the war, this war will end. It was decided. Belka was defeated. I no longer have a hope and respect for this country and politicians. Not that I hate this country, but I've noticed that a country is, after all, an inorganic entity. History, tradition, what I couldn't see due to the retraints caused by the biased politics, or rather, what I had not tried to see. Now that I've seen life and death closely, and something, though very blurred, has started to become visible. Totalitarianism sometimes brings about fear. I see the pride and truth in me being Michael Kohl, and would like to end this war of mine.

The ceasefire negotiation with the allied forces and Belka's disarmament have started. The war has virtually ended , and the troops are becoming cheerful gradually. Although there are those who sneak around to recruit young soldiers into guerrillas, nobody is listening to them anymore. A few days ago, Kurzlinger, an old soldier, caused a skirmish. It seemed he pushed his luck a little too far to recruit his man. He is said to have pointed a gun to the forehead of the young soldier while recruiting him. Just before Kurtzlinger pulled the trigger, several soldiers stopped him and the situation was settled down. Kurtzlinger was a violent man, and his men hated him. In fact, many people hated him. Next morning, the corpse of Kurtzlinger was found bound to a drum can only with an underwear on. Nobody got surprised at the sight of it, and his body was buried in a woods in the end by some gentle soldiers. There used to be order and formalities here, but not now. The war is over, and everyone is equal in citizenship. There are some people who pay back interest on the slap in the face on the battlefield by means of bullets of lead after coming back home alive. Hatred is a flame that burns permanently inside those who have the feeling of hatred. "Try not to stand out on the battlefield as much as possible and lurk with bated breath." This statement may sound stupid, but I will remember this someday when a rain of bullets falls.

June 19, 1995: To Anfang

The order was issued that the remnant forces should immediately surrender to the allied forces. A bit too simple an order, but considering the situation, there is nothing to wonder at. Everything will be finally over. I'm trying not to think of my mom and Captain Erhard who has been incommunicado. I don't give a damn what the allied forces' administration will be like. I can't imagine that it couldn't be worse than now. It will take the allied forces some time to settle things down when we arrive at Anfang and surrender. But it'll be just a little while. After all, they are humans too. There's no way they would abuse us.

I made it through alive, and the war is over. Anfang. I've never been there, but it will be a place I will never forget for the rest of my life.

Michael Kohl

Sources:
Project Aces: ACZ page

Accreditation:
yellow26 for the translation
originally posted by: Ribbon-Vermilion